Mall Thoughts
Yeah, it’s that time of year. So, I was in the Myer perfume area of Knox, dodging and weaving all the hired help. There was a constant flow of dazed, unshaven blokes in their work gear, getting attacked by the make-up queens. They left with molten credit cards in their pockets.
I laughed at how cheap the Christina Aguilera scent was. Then I saw the row of Britney Spears juice, then a cabinet of Beckham water, then a small room of Sarah Jessica Parker liquid, then the Kylie ‘INVERSE – For Men’ drops. What were they thinking?
I turned a corner and saw the P Diddy section. I mean, ‘SEAN JOHN’. His bottle is called ‘I am KING’. I tried it. Citrus. It was next to Usher’s. It’s bigger than the CD store!
I wondered what celebrity stuff I’d like. Some ‘eau de ODB’? You couldn’t put that on, of course. It’d be cool to have as a threat, though. To yourself.
I would like a dash of Muddy Waters, though. Or some Howlin’ Wolf for a night out alone. For a night in, some Miles. Or a short sprint through a cloud of Isaac Hayes.
Back in ’95, I used to go to $2 shops, to kill some time when we finished soundcheck. I’d buy some bottles of aftershave and mix them in a garden-spray thing I also had. As we did our slowest and sexiest tunes, I liked to spray the front row so that people would go home stinking of our music.
We also put out a single called ‘I’m Gonna Live in My Own Big World’, which had a scented card in it. Ralph Lauren’s ‘SAFARI’. The lyric of the song came mostly from an advert on the back of a bottle of that stuff. It was all about scientists going to the desert to isolate its smell. Before my time.
So, we went to Target and got some Shane Warne underpants for our nephews. They’re called SPINNERS.
Dave Graney is a Melbourne-based singer-songwriter who has fronted such bands as The Moodists, The Coral Snakes and The Lurid Yellow Mist. For further dimensions, visit The Dave Graney Show or check out his MySpace, Twitter and blog.
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